Sunday, September 21, 2008

Spiders!

Ok.  I don't know exactly when this happened - but I am afraid of spiders.  Not just "eww, there's a spider" or "ok, everyone stay calm...  there's a spider".  It's more like "Holy crap!  It's a.. a.. a.." (I trail off getting a pair of shoes or a roll of paper towels... usually both).  Before I can finish Lucas yells "Chase!  Dad found a spider!"... nice... more witnesses.

I have to be brave in front of my boys.  I don't know why I try any more.  They have heard their father scream like a little girl.  In my hand, I have a shoe - which is shaking because.. well.. I am.  I know I only have one shot to kill this guy because I use guerrilla tactics (ambush, freak out, flee, send in Jenni).  If after my first strike I drop my shoe - he is now armed... no longer a civilian spider... he is a combatant.

Luckily, I killed him in one shot.  I conquered the spider - I feel victorious, manly... and a little queasy.  Now, I have to deal with the aftermath of war (cleaning up the carcass).  I don't mind this as much (even though I have had a spider fake death and jump at me one last time).  I can't lose my head.  I have to stay focused on the task at hand.  So, with no less that 18 paper towels I send Lucas to clean up the spider carcass.

I'm not ashamed.  Once, I broke my thumb nail jamming my hand into the textured ceiling wearing a glove fashioned from paper towels.  The spider (which I'm pretty sure was laughing) slowly started falling from the ceiling, descending on its silk.  Actually, it was dead but I let out a nice little "nyaaahh" as I fell backwards off the coffee table.  I used one paper towel to clean up that spider... I needed the rest to stop the bleeding.

Again, I'm not ashamed... but my family is.