I have to be brave in front of my boys. I don't know why I try any more. They have heard their father scream like a little girl. In my hand, I have a shoe - which is shaking because.. well.. I am. I know I only have one shot to kill this guy because I use guerrilla tactics (ambush, freak out, flee, send in Jenni). If after my first strike I drop my shoe - he is now armed... no longer a civilian spider... he is a combatant.
Luckily, I killed him in one shot. I conquered the spider - I feel victorious, manly... and a little queasy. Now, I have to deal with the aftermath of war (cleaning up the carcass). I don't mind this as much (even though I have had a spider fake death and jump at me one last time). I can't lose my head. I have to stay focused on the task at hand. So, with no less that 18 paper towels I send Lucas to clean up the spider carcass.
I'm not ashamed. Once, I broke my thumb nail jamming my hand into the textured ceiling wearing a glove fashioned from paper towels. The spider (which I'm pretty sure was laughing) slowly started falling from the ceiling, descending on its silk. Actually, it was dead but I let out a nice little "nyaaahh" as I fell backwards off the coffee table. I used one paper towel to clean up that spider... I needed the rest to stop the bleeding.
Again, I'm not ashamed... but my family is.
3 comments:
I laughed so hard, I almost peed my pants...I don't know where you got from, bugs and such were always facinating to you and your brother. Good thing you're teaching your boys how to deal with it respectfully.
If the spiders are outside we can look at them and learn. If they are inside we kill 'em... we employ the death penalty for trespassers - Guilty until... well... dead.
Brain you make me laugh every time! I love these blogs!
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